Real Shadows Page 9

  His rant was like a kick to the chest. This entire time while I’ve been doing my best to stay out of his way while I got my life on track, Xander’s been paying attention.

  Paying attention to me.

  “Xander-”

  His hands came out of his pockets, and he reached out to cradle my face. “Go to dinner with me, Fallon,” he commanded instead of asking. “Go to dinner with me tomorrow night.”

  My answer was going to change everything, but there was only one answer I could give him. This was a bad idea, but the word that came out of my mouth was, “Okay.”

  Chapter 16

  Xander~

  She had said yes.

  I hadn’t really planned on asking Fallon to dinner, but when she called us roommates, that hadn’t sat well with me. For weeks, I’ve been noticing everything that made up Fallon Reese without suffocating her and giving her room to get her life together, and it stung when she admitted to not knowing anything about me. Here I had been thinking I’d been just taking things slow, but she had made it clear that we hadn’t even moved from where we were the day I met her.

  And now, we sat across from each other at Dailies, waiting for our orders and, hopefully, becoming more than friends. Because I really wanted to be more than friends with Fallon Reese.

  “So, you said you only knew four things about me,” I reminded her. “What more do you want to know?”

  She didn’t pussyfoot, which I appreciated. Life was always easier with a straight shooter. Less confusion that way, more hurt feelings, perhaps, but less confusion. “Let’s start with your family,” she replied telling me a lot more about her than I already knew. Most women would want to know about my business and how cozy my savings was. At least, that’s been my experience when trying to date seriously.

  “My parents passed a few years ago,” I answered, and her face immediately softened. “They died in a car accident.”

  “I’m sorry,” she whispered.

  “Thank you,” I replied. “The construction company was my father’s, and when he died, I came home to take over.”

  “Were you close?” The question was asked with enough sincerity in her voice that it felt like she was asking because she genuinely wanted to know.

  “We were.” And we really had been. I had great parents. “It’s the reason I gave up life in the big city in suits and ties to come back.”

  She cocked her head to the side. “No regrets?”

  I shook my head. “None.” And I meant that.

  “No siblings?”

  “No. My mother had a couple of miscarriages after I was born and my dad hadn’t wanted more children at the risk to my mother’s health, so they shut down shop and went to just raising me.” I leaned forward. “What about you?”

  Before Fallon could answer, the waitress came with our meals. Once everything was situation to start eating, she answered, “My parents were killed in a car wreck, too. A drunk driver.”

  It was something I wasn’t expecting, but it was something that connected us. “An inexperienced winter driver is what caused my parents’ accident.”

  Fallon took a bite of her seasoned salmon before asking, “What were their names?”

  My lips curved upward. I loved how she was asking for details. “Daniel and Sela Raynes. Yours?”

  “Harold and Kimberly Reese,” she said, the same wistful smile on her face. “I don’t remember much because I was so young when they died, but what I do remember is good.”

  “And foster care?” I wasn’t sure if I should ask the question because foster care could be a tough subject for people who fell into the pitfalls that sometimes came with living in foster care, but I wanted to know what made Fallon tick. I had made the decision to pursue her, and that’s what I was doing.

  “It could have been worse,” she said vaguely. “Being friends with Karla helped a lot.”

  “How so?”

  Between bits, Fallon went on to tell me all about living in foster care. Her story wasn’t as dark as it could have been, but it wasn’t all sunshine and roses either. She talked about meeting Karla and some of the other kids she had gotten along with. She also talked about how lonely she had been when Karla had gone to live with her family.

  When she was done, she surprised me with another personal question. This one geared more towards my personal, personal life. “No ex-wives?”

  I let out a soft laugh. “No. No ex-wives,” I replied. “Nor will I ever have one.”

  Her brows shot up. “Never getting married?”

  I made sure to hold her blue gaze as I clarified, “Not that. I just meant that when I do get married, it will be forever. No divorce.”

  She leaned back in her seat as she regarded me and mulled over my statement. “Shit happens.”

  “And that’s fine. However, it would take a lot to make me walk away from my marriage if I ever have one.”

  Fallon leaned forward. “What if she’s the one who wants to walk away?”

  I leaned in. “She won’t,” I promised. “But in the event that she did want to, there’s no way I’d ever let her go without a hell of a fight.”

  Fallon’s words were raspy. “Ever?”

  I held her gaze as I told her the truest words I’ve ever spoken. “Over my dead body, will my wife ever leave me, Fallon.”

  “Because?” Her voice hitched as she asked the word, and I could tell my possessiveness was turning her on. I imagined it was because, as a foster kid, she’s never been wanted or claimed. It was something she probably fantasized about being.

  “Because I’ll only love once, Fallon,” I explained. “I’ll only love once, and I’ll never do anything that will make my wife want to leave me. Piss her off? Sure. Make her want to murder me? Definitely. But leave me? Never.”

  I’m not sure if she meant to say it, but her words sounded genuinely concerning. “Do you think the person who’s after me thinks they’re in love with me like that?”

  Suddenly, I heard my words through her ears, and I needed to clarify. “It’s different when you return the love, Fallon. What I’m banking on is that my wife will love me every bit as much as I love her, and she won’t want to ever leave me. Even through the hard times, I will be banking everything on her love for me. The guy or girl stalking you isn’t in this for love. Love is every bit as freeing as it is confining, and whoever is after you doesn’t make you feel free.”

  “No. No, they don’t,” she quietly agreed.

  She didn’t say anything as the waitress brought our check and I didn’t push, but she finally looked at me and said, “The possessiveness towards your future wife is rather…comforting.”

  I snorted out a laugh. “Hope she thinks so,” I said wryly. “But it’s more likely she’ll feel it’ll be stifling.”

  “I hope not,” she replied. “There’s a real security in knowing you’re wanted with such fierceness.”

  I didn’t want to say it, but she was confusing me. I wouldn’t think someone who was being stalked would appreciate possessiveness. “But aren’t you being wanted with that kind of fierceness right now?”

  Fallon gave me a small shake of her head. “No,” she replied. “If I was, he would have made his move by now, don’t you think?”

  I smirked at how she threw my words back at me. “Touché, Ms. Reese.” She gave me a soft laugh and a sassy wink and everything south of my waistband sat up and noticed.

  I had wanted to go slow. I had wanted to show her I wasn’t the dick I acted like when we first met. I wanted her comfortable and I wanted her to trust me. I wanted her to feel safe before I made my move. But the more time I spent with her, the more I realized being in my bed was the farthest thing from her mind. Hell, I wasn’t even sure if I was on her list of things to do at all.

  But I knew if I wasn’t honest with her, I’d get nowhere with her. She needed blunt honesty because her life was confusing enough as it was. And Fallon might not like me, but she was attracted to me, and I’d use that if I had
to in order to push us forward.

  “Fallon, can I tell you something without you freaking out?” She blinked at me and then threw her head back in a genuine laugh. I smiled as she calmed down. Laughter was a good look on her.

  After she calmed down, she asked, “Seriously?” My smile widened. “Does that ever work? Telling someone not to freak out only makes them freak out, Xander.”

  “Point taken,” I agreed. “But I still would like to tell you something without you freaking out.”

  Fallon stopped laughing, but her smile was still in place. “Okay, Raynes, hit me with it.”

  I leaned in so that the entire eatery couldn’t listen in on what I was sure to be one of me least finest moments. Charm and suaveness were absent at this dinner table. “I know you’ve got a lot going on, and I know sex is probably the furthest thing from your mind, but I want you in my bed, Fallon. I’ve wanted you in my bed for a while now.” The smile slid off her face and I knew I fucked up.

  “Uh…”

  “I don’t need you to start ripping your clothes off or anything, but…but I wanted to know if the attraction is one-sided.” Here goes nothing. “Do you want me, Fallon?”

  She didn’t answer right away, and I was hit with the unwelcoming sensation that she was probably going to rush home and start packing. But instead, she surprised me by saying, “I probably shouldn’t.”

  That wasn’t a no.

  Chapter 17

  The Past~

  I never expected her to leave California.

  I expected her to move like she always did, but I never expected her to move damn near across the country.

  Brant, North Dakota.

  Brant, North Dakota, where Karla Dallas was now Karla Graig. Where Fallon Reese has fled to and was now living with a man who had no right to be anywhere near her.

  Fallon Reese was mine.

  She has always been mine.

  She was always meant to be mine.

  When her name flagged in Indiana and then North Dakota, I knew this wasn’t like all the other times. Something changed and I had a feeling the man who was opening the truck door for her was the reason for the change. Not knowing how long they’d be gone, I hadn’t had time to find out.

  I watched, nestled in the darkness, as they came back from their date, and he got out, walked around, and then helped her out of the truck. I watched as he placed his hand on the small of her back and I noticed how she didn’t flinch or shy away from his touch.

  I didn’t know how long she’s been living with him, but I knew the second I got into town that she was staying with him. She had a job, a car, and a bank account on record, but no apartment or house. After staking out the Graigs’ residence and seeing no signs of Fallon, I had laid low until I found her walking out of a salon one day and I followed her to some guy’s house. That guy turned out to be one Xander Raynes.

  Xander Raynes.

  He’s the first man who’s intruded on what I had with Fallon. While Fallon has always run many times, she’s always run alone. She lived alone and did nothing but wait for my next move. But now, she was living with another man and letting him touch her.

  Did he know about me?

  Did he know about me, or was she here trying to make a fresh start? Was she here pretending that I no longer existed? Was she here trying to pretend that I wouldn’t follow her? Did she really believe she would end up with anyone other than me?

  I’ve been in love with her my whole life. I’ve been following her, giving her time for the past six years. Did she really believe I’d let another man come in and take the only thing that mattered to me?

  I might have had to share her body, but everything else was mine. I had to let him know that. I had to let her know that.

  I watched as Xander unlocked the front door to his house and guided Fallon inside and the need to run in there and claim her as mine was stronger than it’s ever been.

  She. Was. Mine.

  Fallon Reese was mine, and right now, she was probably in that house letting Xander Raynes touch her. Kiss her. Move inside her.

  My hands were white-knuckled and the quiet was being invaded with static and chaos. I stuck my right hand in my pocket and circled my fist around the little ceramic rabbit that was always with me. The rabbit that was our connection.

  Another thing that we had in common besides that wretched foster home.

  Knowing that Xander Raynes was probably making Fallon promises he couldn’t keep, I knew I had to finally make my move. I knew I couldn’t put it off any longer.

  I had wanted to give her time to come around. I had wanted to give her time to get used to the idea of how deep my love for her was. I wanted her to see that, in the end, the only thing she had in this world was me. But then, she ran to someone I hadn’t seen coming. It had never occurred to me that she was still friends with Karla Dallas.

  She ran to Karla Dallas-or Graig and, with that, she ended up in the arms of Xander Raynes.

  Well, no more.

  I was here and there was no going back.

  I was here and it was time to show her where she belonged and who she belonged to. Because it sure as fuck wasn’t Xander Raynes.

  It was me.

  Chapter 18

  Xander~

  My heart threatened to beat out of my chest with anticipation.

  After Fallon didn’t elaborate on her ‘I probably shouldn’t’ comment, I had grabbed the check, paid the waitress, grabbed Fallon by her hand, and had walked her back out to my truck.

  The ride home had been quiet as fuck, but I hadn’t wanted to open my mouth and run the risk of saying something stupid enough to change her mind about me. Hell, or worse, remind her of the asshole I was when we first met.

  Shutting the front door behind us, I knew it was now or never. “Fallon-”

  She turned around and looked up at me. Her eyes were warm and her expression guileless. “This is a bad idea, Xander,” she said, her voice matter of fact.

  I stepped to her and I wish I could say I was surprised by her words, but I wasn’t. This was a bad idea from her perspective. I reached for her and placed on hand on her back while the other one cradled her face. “I can understand why you’d feel that way, baby.” And I could. Her life was changing rapidly, and big decisions were being made without adding this one to it. I also wasn’t going to apologize for calling her baby even with all that surprise on her face. I was in this for real. “I get that…you have a lot going on, and the last thing I want to do is take advantage of your situation, but, Christ, Fallon…I’ve been patient. I’ve been living here with you for weeks, staying out of your way and waiting for you to feel comfortable and…alive. I don’t think I can wait anymore.” Not without losing my fucking mind. “It’d be different if you didn’t want me, but I know you do.”

  Fallon closed her eyes and the sigh that escaped sounded deep, lonely, and tiring as fuck. But that’s the thing…I wanted to carry her. I knew how exhausted she was, and I wanted to pick up the battle for her. And if not fight it for her completely, at least help her with her fight. While we haven’t spoken much on her stalking, I could see the toll it’s taken on her, and I couldn’t stand it anymore.

  She opened her eyes to look at me. “I don’t want to use you, Xander.”

  Her words were like a kick to the chest. I dropped my hands and stepped back. I called her out on her attraction to me, but attraction didn’t equal like. And if she was afraid to use me, then that must mean she didn’t like me. She’d just be with me to stave off the loneliness.

  Well, that fucking sucked.

  “You still don’t like me,” I said. No accusation. No blame. Just a statement of fact.

  Fallon’s beautiful blue eyes widened. “What? No. What are you talking about?”

  I shrugged a shoulder. “You said you didn’t want to use me. It’d only be using me if you were only invested in sex and nothing more.”

  She let out another exhausting sigh. “That’s not what I meant,
Xander.”

  I jammed my fists in my pockets, doing my best to keep the frustration out of my voice. I wasn’t mad, just…I wanted this woman so goddamn badly. “Then what did you mean?”

  “I just meant…I could easily get used to living inside this little bubble with you, pretending that it can’t just all come to an end at any moment. I don’t want to use you as an escape. I…I gotta know you’re really committed to this before we take this any further.”

  “I am.” The words flew out of my mouth without any hesitation.

  “Xander, someone is after me,” she replied as if I didn’t understand English. “Do you get that? I mean, do you really get that? You say you want more than sex, but do you really understand what ‘more’ with me means?”

  “No,” I told her honestly. “No, I don’t. But I know I want you badly enough to go for it without knowing.”

  She scoffed. “That’s hormones, Xander.”

  I stepped to her and took her face in my hands again. “Bullshit,” I snapped. “If it were hormones, I’d be balls deep in some random female at the bar or somewhere. Instead, I’m here with you. I’ve been here with you, and only you, for weeks, Fallon. Waiting. Praying. Wanting.”

  “If something happens to you-”

  I slammed my mouth down on hers, stopping the words she was going to say to convince herself not to do this with me. My hands slid up into her hair and I deepened the kiss as soon as I heard the deep, rumble of her moan. I might be taking advantage of her attraction to me, but I was beyond doing the gentlemanly thing. If I didn’t use everything I could to my advantage, Fallon would never give me a chance. Hell, I don’t think she’d give anyone a chance with what she was going through.